I had always been really athletic growing up. Between cheer-leading, soccer, track, and the three dance studios I competed for, I was pretty fit. After college there was no more of any of that. Of course like most former athletes I gained weight. Then I lost weight. Then gained and lost and so on for several years. You know how it goes. In 2010 I got married. After that I gained and gained big. My former muscular ox like self had become muscles covered in lots of fat. I got up to 232 pounds. The biggest I had ever been in my life. Strange thing was even though I knew I had gained weight and would even make comments about it, it never really bothered me. Even when making comments in front of my extremely superficial mom, she would respond with, "You're just happy. That's what happens when you're happy.". Then in 2012 for my birthday, my husband took me to Asheville for a long weekend. Being a YouTuber, I always take video and pictures almost everywhere I go. Well when we got back, I had the pictures developed for a scrapbook. As I was putting it together and really looking at them, I was disgusted by myself. I'm talking absolutely horrified at what I was seeing. These two pictures in particular is what got me.
What I just told you is how the detox waters started. Last week I stopped snacking, cut the sodas back out, stopped over eating and started the detox waters. I have lost two pounds which isn't anywhere close to even making me the slightest bit happy but it's a start. Next week I'll start walking the garden daily again even though it's allergy central out there right now. I am going to do whatever it takes to get this weight back off.
The way I am with myself is so funny because I'm all about loving yourself for who you are. Yet when it comes to myself I'm so fucking insecure it's not even funny but if you didn't know me personally or you didn't read this blog, you'd never know. I walk around like I have the most confidence you could possibly have, but in reality I'm a total self bully. I couldn't be the only one like this. I think we are all our own worst enemy. So I will continue to spread positivity to everyone else while I continue to "fix" myself. I will continue to share my story as I go, just in case it will help others. If any of you would like to share your story too, feel free to in the comments. Sometimes we help change lives without knowing it.